Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

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How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of sides of his mouth.

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

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What's the creepiest body of water?

Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.

Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?

I don't know you tell me.

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Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.