Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

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Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

How can we build this?

A business major asks, "How can we finance this " A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that "

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Why did the girl quit her job at the doughnut factory?

Because she was fed up with the hole business.

Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

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Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar?

May the Ides be ever in your favor."

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What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?

Politics

Which duck will destroy the establishment?

None, ducks are not allowed in politics.