Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of salsa?

2 gals 1 cup(http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my20triptothelocallatinmarketnetted165/)

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What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

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What's the best thing about being a meth head?

1 sleep until Christmas.

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1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired

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7 tees, 30 eggs

Why don't you buy your wife a watch?

There's already a clock on the stove

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What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?

A pervert.

What is big and hard when you put it in your mouth and small and soft when you take it out?

A chewing gum you pervert

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What does Pikachu say when he puts too much salsa on his food?

PIKA PIKA PIKA (Credit to my 5 year old son)

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Microchips