Why does everyone hate me?

I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.

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Why did Siegfried and Roy close their bakery?

A batch of Tiger bread turned on them.

When is a farmer like a magician?

A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

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What do The Walking Dead and the state of Wisconsin have in common?

They both have a hated governor.

What does a redneck garden gnome hate more than anything?

Transplants

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Why don't you trust me?

she texted both the guys simultaneously.

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute