Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

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How did he get so rich?

By saving the gas money!

How do you save a Republican from drowning?

Take your foot off of their head.

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How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?

Cross traffic doesn't stop.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

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How do you launder money?

Put it under the soap.

What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

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What separates the men from the boys in the Catholic Church?

A condom.

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.