Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

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What do you call it when a neurologist is found embezzling and he later runs away?

A Fraudian slip.

What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?

A: Tulips.

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However, a man goes home and tells his wife about it. How is this possible?

He wasn't single.

How do you know if someone owns an Apple Watch?

Don't worry, they will tell you.

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Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones?

I think it's because usually the punchline is too long

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

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What kind of a friar loves philosophy?

A deep friar.

What is the philosophy of a necrophiliac?

Sit back, relax and crack open a cold one