Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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Who let the docs out?

Google. Google docs.

How did my operation go Doc?

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What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What goes Black-White, Black-White, Black-White?

A panda bear rolling down a hill.

Fox News Jokes More Fox News Jokes

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

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How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?

I'll post the answer tomorrow.

What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?

Fry-by-night!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why is Tylenol white?

Because it works

Why is Reddit full of liberals?

All the conservatives are out working.

Bad News Bear Jokes More Bad News Bear Jokes

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

Why can't the armless girl comb?

Because she already had cancer.

What type of cancer is an anarchist immune to?

Prostate

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What did the polar bear's wife say when she couldn't bear his tantrums any more?

Bye bye bipolar polar bear

How many bear arms could Bear Grylls bear to bear if Bear Grylls could bear to bear bear arms?

bear