Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

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What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

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Impregnate Jokes More Impregnate Jokes

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What did one dog say to the other dog?

I like "Hot Dogs".

What did the dog say to the man?

Nothing stupid, dogs don't talk.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What did the priest get at Toys R Us?

An erection.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How do I know ur not a cop?

If I was a cop would I do this " *Starts break dancing* That's not as much proof as you think it is

What's black and blue and about to hurt someone?

Batman thinking about his dead parents.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

What do you call a cow masterbating?

Beef stroganoff

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

tape velcro to the ceiling.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset?

He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock "Whose there?" Not Billy

Why aren't jokes in base 8 funny?

Because 7, 10, 11.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What do you call 1,000 liberals at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start! **an old joke that my dad used to tell at every party. You could replace "liberals" with pretty much anything.

What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea?

A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy