How can you tell if a clock is hungry?

It goes back for seconds

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How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ?

Tell him a joke when he's a baby !

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How did the clock get cancer?

Second-hand smoke!

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?

Time to get it fixed.