How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

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How many Shia laBeouf's does it take to change a lightbulb?

NonononononononononoNONONONONONO! NONONONONONONO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (he can't.)

How many Vietnam War Veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

You don't know man, you weren't there!

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How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. But he doesn't screw it in, he just holds it and the world revolves around him.

How many redditors commenting on a given post does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Not possible. Their hands are too slippery with each other's ejaculate.

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How many shrinks does it take to change a tire?

Well, first the tire really has to want to change...

How many true friends do you believe you have?

Me: Define "true friend." Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.