What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's the average lifespan of an owl?

About six and a half books.

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

Why does Luke Skywalker never have trouble getting laid?

Because he always uses the force.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

Resort Jokes More Resort Jokes

What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar!

Whats the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others.