Conductor Jokes

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

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What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?

A conductor.

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

Why are trains so energetic?

They have Conductors.

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?

Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

Why couldn't they execute the railway worker with the electric chair?

He was too good a conductor

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Hop in.

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Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

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He couldn't finish his sentence.

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Apparently, 84 isn't enough.

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

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Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning?

He was an excellent conductor

What did the god of lightning say after working out for the first time?

I'm Thor

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What is the most religious unit in electrical engineering?

Ohm.

What do you get when you put resistance on a stove?

Ohm on the range

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How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

URINE. I'll let myself out.

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Why don't american have a bullet train?

They use the bullets to train the military.

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Bullet train!

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How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord?

The leash goes slack...

How do blind skydivers know when to pull the cord?

The leash goes slack