What do wives and shingles have in common?

if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

Why did the Mexican throw his wife over the cliff?

Tequila

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What happend when the bike ran over a nail?

It popped a wheelie.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

End Jokes More End Jokes

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.

How do you end a party in a redneck trailer park?

Flush the punch bowl

Shingle Jokes More Shingle Jokes

How do you know your house had chicken pox?

It has shingles.

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

Neighbor Jokes More Neighbor Jokes

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

What is she?

Me: A dog. Duh. Neighbor...