What do you say when you are trying to scare your girlfriend?

Boo bae! (Read aloud please)

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What do drug dealers sit on?

KUSHions please tell me that joke is funny, my girlfriend is trying to tell me that it isn't funny. We all know it is.

What do you do if you see a blue banana?

Try to cheer it up.

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What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

I need some space.

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Why accountants don't read novels?

Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.

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What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?

They really scared the Shiite outa me!

Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?

He was a card shark!