How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

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How is November's election like the Alien vs Predator movie?

Whoever wins...we lose.

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

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How do you know if a homeless person has a girlfriend?

His clean fingers.

What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend?

There isn't one...

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

How can a beautiful girl like you be single?

Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"

What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

She wiped her arse.

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Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why did Subway take Jared so seriously?

It was obvious he was kidding.

30 Pound Jokes More 30 Pound Jokes

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.