Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

Rude"olph

What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 ho's.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

What did the fast food employee do when he decided to quit?

He chicken tendered his resignation.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter?

Ask them to pronounce "hires"

Why would he put that on a resume?

Oh. My. God. You're hired."

Gain Jokes More Gain Jokes

What does a stock broker and a gym rat have in common?

NEED MORE GAINS

Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?

Offshore investment gains a better return.

Jared Jokes More Jared Jokes

What do Santa and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kids rooms with an empty sack

Why does little sally have a limp?

SHE WENT TO JARED!

Mall Jokes More Mall Jokes

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ?

Ulta Magnus!