What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms?

Anything you want. He is 'armless

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you get a New Yorker upset about ISIS terror attacks?

Tell them ISIS are Red Sox fans.

What did Moses say when Isaiah told him the levy had burst?

God Dam It!

Xmas Jokes More Xmas Jokes

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?

The Age Of Ultron.

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)