What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

Garden hose.

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What does a dog do when it loses it's tail?

Goes to a retail store to find another one.

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?

He was Haydn.

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What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

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Who the hell does that in a sock?

squishes out of the room*

Who won the Battle of the Bulge?

The guy with the bulge in his sock ...

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What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the backyard?

Shoot her again.

What do you call an Irishman sitting in your Backyard?

Paddy O'Furniture