What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

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What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

When you gonna be famous?

I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'

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Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

What's the difference between a feminist and a trash bin?

The trash gets taken out once a week.

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What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?

A bit of a shock really!