Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

Q. They think their picture is being taken.

What's the craic?

2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did Adam say to Eve on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve."

What is that son of yours doing these days ?

2nd Monster: He's at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh what's he studying 2nd Monster: Nothing they're studying him!

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus?

She heard about his second coming

Why can't Jesus play hockey?

He keeps getting NAILED TO THE BOARDS!...

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What do you feed a disappearing cat?

Evaporated milk

How do magicians retire?

They seem to just disappear.

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?

A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily?

Amoxicillin

How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.