Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What did the ventriloquist say to their friend?

Nothing. He's mute. I don't even think he's as ventriloquist.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did Santa get the day after Christmas?

Diabetes

How did the bad Canadian fisherman describe his only catch of the day?

Aboot this big"

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg?

Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.

What sways from side to side?

Jesus on a rubber cross!

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

Why do objects disappear when you move them twice?

Because you remove them.

What do you feed a disappearing cat?

Evaporated milk

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?

He was way too autistic for his own good.

Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

karma chameleon

What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily?

Amoxicillin