Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

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Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?

They don't like their vegetables.

Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

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How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

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What is an army of blue babies on horseback called?

A navy infantry cavalry

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

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What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.