Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

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Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

because he can't aim steadily

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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Why did the pimp cross the lawn?

To get to the hoes.

Why do they call me the fireman?

Cause I turn on the hoes

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What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

How, would you answer this question?

No. -How

How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

How do you give a quadriplegic a headache?

Ask him to hold open the elevator door

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why did the geologist's wife leave him?

He was getting physical (first joke hope you like it)

Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson?

Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it.

What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's?

Shaking hands.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why is ketchup married to mustard?

Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend?

You Cantaloupe.