Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

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Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

because he can't aim steadily

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ?

His portrait only need one nail

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What is the slogan of the Mormon Church?

We don't care how you bring 'em, just Brigham Young."

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Winter Jokes More Winter Jokes

Why was the robot cold?

He was missing his winter gear

What do you call an NSA whistle-blower spending the winter in Russia?

Edward Snowed-in

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

How did I get here?

I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower.

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

How does a hamster propose to his girlfriend?

With a hamst-ring! I'm sorry.

How did the pothead propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage.. you wanna?"

David Cameron Jokes More David Cameron Jokes

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron?

One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.

Chili Jokes More Chili Jokes

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

William Shakespeare Jokes More William Shakespeare Jokes

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

2p or not 2p, that is the question."