When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

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Why are there school shootings?

Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

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What is Santa's favorite type of cookie?

Ask your dad.

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

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Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

How do you annoy a Worldnews redditor?

Comment after reading the article.

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What' is a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir, We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

What are you going to do with your time, now that you're retired?

I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."

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What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.