What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog chase the bulldozer?

It doesn't like Cats.

Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

Mess Jokes More Mess Jokes

Why you never mess with imported ants?

Because they are **important**.

Why did the pig join the Army?

He heard the food was a mess.

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)