Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

How bad is it, Doctor?

Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

the second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::

What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

Where do we go?

Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Whack Jokes More Whack Jokes

What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

Detain Jokes More Detain Jokes

Why did the Libertarian Cross the Road?

None of your Damn Business. Am I being detained?

Why did the libertarian chicken cross the road?

That's none of your damn business. Is he being detained

God Jokes More God Jokes

What's the difference between God and an electrician?

A: God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.

Why can't priests have children?

Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many short term memory loss patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

to get to the other side..

How many saiyans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes five episodes.

Highschool Jokes More Highschool Jokes

What do you call a nerd after highschool?

Boss

What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall?

Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

Cup Jokes More Cup Jokes

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?

Because it's still dressing.

Pregnant Wife Jokes More Pregnant Wife Jokes

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool