Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

How bad is it, Doctor?

Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

the second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::

What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

Where do we go?

Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

You might also enjoy:

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you call the god of cheese?

Cheesus

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What do you call 500 dead lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start

What do you call a boy with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bobby

Libertarian Jokes More Libertarian Jokes

How many libertarians?

How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it.

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Does it even matter? We're all screwed anyway, man."

Bad Skydiver Jokes More Bad Skydiver Jokes

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

Damn Business Jokes More Damn Business Jokes

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

If it's their lightbulb, none of your damn business.

Whatcha doin?

Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.

Pregnant Wife Jokes More Pregnant Wife Jokes

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

Where will you find the best jokes?

Not on /r/jokes