Attend Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

A coniference.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Why did the chicken attend the seance?

To get to the other side.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

tenish.

Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral?

he's not a mourning person

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Who's concerts cost only 45 cents to attend?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why did the cowboy sleep with his saddle?

In case of any night mares!

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Bad Thing Jokes More Bad Thing Jokes

What's the worst thing that could happen to an r/joke/ subscriber?

faint

What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

Funeral Jokes More Funeral Jokes

What do Mexicans play at their funerals?

Another Juan Bites The Dust

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

What is a proper greeting when you're introduced to Christina Hendricks?

Nice to meet you both.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a book and a Mexican?

A book has papers.

What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?

You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)

Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?

On his birthday flake!

Why is it impossible to surprise a snowman?

He has ice in the back of his head. Get it He has ice in the back of his head. Get it

Rancher Jokes More Rancher Jokes

Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?

The steaks were too high.

Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?

Because the rancher was a cattlist.

Steak Jokes More Steak Jokes

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

The steaks have never been higher