Merry Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What do you call someone who would do anything for a chocolate snack cake?

A ho ho ho. (merry xmas!)

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'?

They are both santa clauses.

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

What did Pippin Took do when he was drunk?

He began to feel Merry.

What is another name for Santa's elves?

Subordinate Clauses! Merry Christmas everyone.

How to cats greet each other at Christmas ?

A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !

Why can't horses fix merry go rounds?

They'd be terrified

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Merry Round Jokes More Merry Round Jokes

What do you do if a purple elephant and a multicolored horse are following you?

get off the merry-go-round! :)

Why were you driving around in circles and laughing?

Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.

Xmas Jokes More Xmas Jokes

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think of Miles Davis?

he kind of blew

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an ithberg

Ewe Jokes More Ewe Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

Mexico Jokes More Mexico Jokes

Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?

All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.

Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.

Happy People Jokes More Happy People Jokes

Where do the happy people of Baltimore live?

In a merry land.

Why do feminists always seem so unhappy?

Because happy people usually leave cults.

December 25th Jokes More December 25th Jokes

What does a gang say on December 25th?

Merry Crips-mas

What do white girls celebrate on December 25th?

ChristMAAAAAAAAAS