Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !

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Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What kind of lizard can run the mafia?

The Iguanodon

Why did the lizards get a divorce?

A reptile dysfunction

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

Why don't Geordies use scales?

Because they can weigh things by eye man.

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why are all early birds Catholics?

Protestant birds don't really want a Diet of Worms.

Why did the elephants go on a diet?

A: Because they had too much junk in the trunk.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!