Weigh Jokes

What do me and my fridge have in common?

Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne

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How do you weigh a Hipster?

In instagrams

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

What gets easier to pick up, the more it weighs?

Women

What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue

What weighs 15,000 pounds and is cursed with a sleeping spell?

Princess Aurorasaurus

What weighs 15,000 pounds and combs her red hair with a fork?

Princess Arielephant

Why don't Geordies use scales?

Because they can weigh things by eye man.

How do you put a condom on a elephant?

You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

Where's the best place to weigh a pie?

Some-where over the rain-bow... Weigh a pie.

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

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Where do you weigh pies?

Somewhere over a rainbow...

Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

What weighs 35 tons has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?

Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot?

A lamingTON!

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

Where do you go to weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)

What soup weighs the most?

Wanton soup. I'll leave now.

What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken?

No weigh...

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg?

Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!

What weighs more than a car and uses a lot of fuel, but hardly ever moves?

Your mom.

How do you weigh a whale?

On Whale Weigh Scales.

What's as big as a horse but weighs nothing?

A horses shadow!

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

How much does a truck full of bones weigh?

A skeleTon

Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*

What do you have there?

Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.

What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything?

King Kong's shadow.

Where do they weigh whales?

At the whale weigh station of course.

How do you get an elephant in to a plastic bag?

First you take the 'T' out of 'Tesco', what do you get Esco. Then you take the 'F' out of 'Weigh', what do you get

What weighs 20 times a North Korean?

Kim Jong Un.

Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

What part of a fish weighs the most ?

It's scales !

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing ?

An elephant's shadow !

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

Why are fish easy to weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

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Where did Mary go after the explosion?

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What's the largest organ in the human body?

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What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

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What do you call a reliable coke dealer?

Instagram

Who will I share the sunset with now?

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What's a Polar Bear's favourite soup?

A laksa.

What's worse than a polar bear?

A bi-polar bear.

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Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One's a marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift

Why couldn't the Geordie go above the seventh floor in the tower block?

He had a fear of eights

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How much does a corpse weigh?

A skele-ton

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

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What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

Where do you go to weigh a pie?

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Which type of soup is the heaviest?

Won-ton soup

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*