How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

What do thanksgiving dinner and the refugee crisis in Europe have in common?

Turkey and grease

What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey?

A Tryptophanatic.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

What's a one way streets favorite band?

One Direction

20 Minute Jokes More 20 Minute Jokes

What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot?

A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball... Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...

What does a fresh egg say when you try to hardboil it?

It'll take me about 20 minutes to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

What weighs 15,000 pounds and is cursed with a sleeping spell?

Princess Aurorasaurus

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes More Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted