Why didn't you obey that stop sign?

Driver: I don't believe everything I read.

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop an alien invasion?

You build a wall.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What does a Drake fan with AIDS get tattooed on his back?

If you're reading this it's too late.

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?

I can't believe someone would stoop so low.

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence?

An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself.

Obey Jokes More Obey Jokes

Why didn't you obey that stop sign?

Driver: I don't believe everything I read.

What is the only law that Hillary obeys?

The law of gravity