Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

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Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why are there no cats on Mars?

Because there is no oxygen and they'd die from UV radiation, you idiot.

How do most vegans die?

Malnutrition.

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What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Which bug gobbles up trash?

Second Caribou: The litterbug.

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

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Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh well, I'll figure it out later.