Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

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What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?

I feel so enlightninged!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

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Why don't kleptomaniacs ever get puns?

The take everything, literally.

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

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Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

What is a simile?

It's like a metaphor.