Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to *want* to be screwed in.

Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there?

Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.

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What do Reptiles love to smoke?

Mariguana

What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

Snoop Log

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Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in?

Their flags are big plusses.

What lives in the ocean is grouchy and hates neighbours ?

A hermit crab !

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What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas?

Quit being nosey.

Why did the can-crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.