Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

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Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes?

Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

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What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

What do you call someone who smokes two joints?

Double jointed.

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Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert?

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

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Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

What does a redneck do after she bangs her second cousin?

She quits counting.