Why would you take a hammer to bed?

A: So you could hit the sack.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why was the policeman in bed?

Because he was an undercover cop

What did the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

Lay awake in bed wondering if there really is a dog.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Why should you never hit people with violins?

Because violins is not the answer...

What does Lenin say when he his angry?

I will hit you so hard that it will leave a Marx.

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon?

Because he's a Wino-saur!

How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?

A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.

Sack Jokes More Sack Jokes

What happened to the blind surgeon?

He got the sack.

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?

Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.