How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

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How do you get a kid out from a microwave?

Please answer before my wife gets home!

Who did Alaska vote for?

Berrrnie Sanders H/T: wife

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What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

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Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?

He wanted rich milk!

What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak?

I'd like to buy an owl

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How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend?

With a John Deere letter.

What's does an extractor fan sound like?

I used to love tractors