How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

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Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

What did the hacker do when the police came for him?

He ransomware.

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

What did the snail on the turtles back say?

WEEEEEEEEEE!

What batteries do turtles use?

Durashells

Determine Jokes More Determine Jokes

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

Conduct Jokes More Conduct Jokes

How does Ohm conduct an orchestra?

Standing on his head!

How do u know if a company that just hired you conducts drug tests?

What is the likelihood it will be a hairtest