Determine Jokes

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What is the best way to determine if someone is ticklish?

Give them a "test tickle."

How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

You might also enjoy:

Racehorse Jokes More Racehorse Jokes

Why is a racehorse like a letter?

They both begin a trip at the post!

What is the strongest animal?

A racehorse because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

Why did the French fry call the police?

Because it was a(salt)ted.

Conduct Jokes More Conduct Jokes

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?

Tuskanini.

What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"

Gallop Poll Jokes More Gallop Poll Jokes

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?

A gallop poll.

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

Where do weirdos ride their bicycles?

Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

Beauty Jokes More Beauty Jokes

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess?

Sleeping Beauty

Personality Jokes More Personality Jokes

What does an accountant use for birth control?

His personality.

What, why?

is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god