How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

How do you know if someone is not a vegan?

They don't tell you

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

How do you spell women backwards?

Kitchen

End Jokes More End Jokes

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Argument Jokes More Argument Jokes

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What is a rift valley?

Valleys that have fallen out after an argument.

Calm Jokes More Calm Jokes

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

Why did the pacifist /b/tard try to calm everyone down?

He did it for the