Argument Jokes

What is it called when two Vegans get into an argument?

A Beef

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When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

What is a bigot?

A bigot is anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate?

Because his arguments against scrutiny.

What is a rift valley?

Valleys that have fallen out after an argument.

Why shouldnt you ever have an argument with Mbius?

Because theyre always so one sided!

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip?

A tents atmosphere

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What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're?

ad homonym

What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?

The door.

Why fist fights break out at NASA?

Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.

How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?

They went outside and exchanged blows.

Why should you never get into an argument with a dictionary?

Because they'll always have the last word.

What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument?

A "moderator", apparently.

Why do mimes always lose arguments?

They don't have a say in anything!

Why shouldn't you ever have an argument with Mobius?

Because they're always so one sided!

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.

Why do vampires hate arguments?

Because they make themselves cross.

What runs forever and never dies?

An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.

How do you tell if you've lost an argument on Facebook?

Well first you're are in an argument on Facebook.

What do you call it when two high people get in an argument?

A pot roast.

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

What is a misogynist?

A misogynist is anyone winning an argument with a feminist.

How to win an argument with a deaf girl?

Turn off the lights.

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

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Facebook Jokes More Facebook Jokes

What if you go missing?

How do you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on Facebook.

What did you do?

Genocide. You " "I shared a 10 Funniest Autocorrect FAILS on Facebook." - Conversations in Hell

Occur Jokes More Occur Jokes

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

When should funerals occur?

Mourning

Liberal Jokes More Liberal Jokes

How do you brainwash a liberal?

Give him an enema

Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist?

She was feelin' the Bern!

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm?

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm? He heard there was lots of Kids there.

Whenever a waiter asks, "Do you want to hear about our specials?

push the menu aside and softly whisper, "I want to hear about you."

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

Doctors without boarders.

How do cows move in groups?

Si-MOO-taniously

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What else do you need when you use your Batman shampoo?

Conditioner Gordon.

How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: "Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.

How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start a baby shower?

Throw it into a wood chipper.

What do you call a computer that says hello to you when you start it up?

A Dell.