Argument Jokes

What is it called when two Vegans get into an argument?

A Beef

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When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

What is a bigot?

A bigot is anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate?

Because his arguments against scrutiny.

What is a rift valley?

Valleys that have fallen out after an argument.

Why shouldnt you ever have an argument with Mbius?

Because theyre always so one sided!

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip?

A tents atmosphere

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What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're?

ad homonym

What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?

The door.

Why fist fights break out at NASA?

Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.

How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?

They went outside and exchanged blows.

Why should you never get into an argument with a dictionary?

Because they'll always have the last word.

What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument?

A "moderator", apparently.

Why do mimes always lose arguments?

They don't have a say in anything!

Why shouldn't you ever have an argument with Mobius?

Because they're always so one sided!

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.

Why do vampires hate arguments?

Because they make themselves cross.

What runs forever and never dies?

An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.

How do you tell if you've lost an argument on Facebook?

Well first you're are in an argument on Facebook.

What do you call it when two high people get in an argument?

A pot roast.

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

What is a misogynist?

A misogynist is anyone winning an argument with a feminist.

How to win an argument with a deaf girl?

Turn off the lights.

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

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Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

What do you call innocent women and children dying in the middle east?

Freedom

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief.

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

Da Jokes More Da Jokes

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

Who was that coughing in the background?

Me : Oh, that was Denise. Dad: Oh, da' niece I thought it was da' nephew. Buh dum tsssssssss

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What do you call a walking talking rat?

Keemstar

Stab Jokes More Stab Jokes

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

How are you doing?

and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?

A retail store.

What does an Arab say after losing his virginity?

Good goat!

Facebook Jokes More Facebook Jokes

Why are these Facebook status updates so much more interesting than usual?

Oh, because this isn't Facebook - it's a mattress label. My bad.

What's the alien version of Facebook?

Spacebook. (It's a terrible joke I know).

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What has four legs and goes meow?

A crocodile. -You won !"

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They we're tied!