How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?

THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?

He wanted to hang with his family.

Why did Jesus quit playing ice hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?

He tried to blow up a police car.