How do you please all the people?

Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!

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People Jokes More People Jokes

What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?

THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!

What country has the most people?

Brazil... They've got Brazillions

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What signal tells you that a politician is lying?

The lips are moving

How do you know if someone was in the navy?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What does Uncle Vernon not do today?

Post.

How did you prepare for today?

red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

Step Jokes More Step Jokes

What is the last step in manufacturing Tickle-Me-Elmo's before packaging and shipping to stores?

Give it two test-tickles.

What did the Zucchini say when it got stepped on?

squash*

Ellen Pao Jokes More Ellen Pao Jokes

What's Ellen Pao's husband's favourite web plugin?

Ponzi Buddy.

How do you please all the people?

Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!