How did you prepare for today?

red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

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Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What's white and Irish and sits in your backyard all year?

Paddy O'Furniture

Why can't you play cards on a small boat?

Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

Why are boy scouts like human sacrifices in a cannibalistic society?

Their motto is "be prepared"

Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

What do you call a midget that does cocaine?

A low blow

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

How did the hail stone describe it's life?

It really has a lot of ups and downs

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.