How many beers did you have while I was gone?

Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.

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Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways... Five.

What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?

19 Kids and Counting

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

Why should you always take at least two Baptists fishing?

Because if you take one, he'll drink all your beer

What'll it be, mister?

The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop, please!"

Mistake Jokes More Mistake Jokes

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

Why are you wearing masks?

There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you.

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

Why does Snape teach options and not herbology?

His lily died

What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?

Hippocampus!

4 Year Old Jokes More 4 Year Old Jokes

What's the difference between a 100 year old and a 4 year old?

What base you're counting in.

What's the first step of fire safety?

4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.