What do selfies make me want to do?

Shoot myself

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Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

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How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?

They take their prison population and school population to Rio.

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...

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Why do you look surprised in all your selfies?

Didn't you know you were taking the picture

Which came first. . . social media or dumb people?

AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language