What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

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What does Ukraine have in common with the iPhone 7?

They both suffered the loss of one very important port.

Why can't Helen Keller use an iPhone?

Because she's dead.

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Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

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How many bites out of the new iPhone did Tim Cook take?

16, 32, 64, and 128

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack