News Jokes

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

How did the wasps take that news?

God: Err...

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Where is 5?

Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident. DIE

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

You might also enjoy:

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

What's a catalyst?

It's how a farmer keeps track of his cows.

What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?

Pair-a-normal investigators.

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

What do you call a Cow on the moon?

A Moo - nwalker

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

Why can't you trick an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why is K-9 another term for a dog?

Because if it was a cat, it would be a K-10.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

Fake News Jokes More Fake News Jokes

What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you

What do "fake news" and isis have in common?

They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

Gonorrhea Jokes More Gonorrhea Jokes

What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up?

Slow clap.

What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis and gonorrhea?

An incurable romantic.

Doc Jokes More Doc Jokes

What should I tell him?

Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."

Why is that, doc?

He replied, "I'm trying to examine you."

Black Life Matter Jokes More Black Life Matter Jokes

How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter?

Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system