News Jokes

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

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Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

How did the wasps take that news?

God: Err...

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Where is 5?

Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident. DIE

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

Why is the moon like a dollar?

It has four quarters.

Why do telescopes like the Moon so much?

Because they find him very down to earth.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas?

because they're still alive.

Dentist Jokes More Dentist Jokes

How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to administer the anaesthetic one to extract the light bulb and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?

To improve his bite !

Fake News Jokes More Fake News Jokes

What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you

What do "fake news" and isis have in common?

They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why do people traveling east out of Sweden get a metal?

Because they're crossing the Finnish line.

What travels around the world but stays in one corner?

A stamp.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

Which presidential candidate is the most likely to cause cancer?

Ben Carsonogen

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas?

AIDS

Black Life Matter Jokes More Black Life Matter Jokes

How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

What do you call a cat in love?

Romeow