What do you do with an infected chemist?

You try to Curium. If that doesn't work and he dies, then Barium

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What are you doing, creep?

she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

Why was ex so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the difference between healthcare.gov and Derrick Rose?

Healthcare.gov was broken and now it works.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Where will they put Deadmau5 when he dies?

In a Mau5oleum!

Where do you want to be buried?

Me: You mean after I die, right

Barium Jokes More Barium Jokes

What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

Well, I guess we better Barium.

Curium Jokes More Curium Jokes

Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)

Why do scientists call Helium , Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium , You'd Barium!