What do you mean you can't sleep?

It's so easy I could do it with my eyes close! Me: *walks away*

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Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

What does Bob Marley wear to sleep?

pa-jammins

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do The Walking Dead and the Fast and Furious series have in common?

They both have dead walkers.

What do men and hardwood flooring have in common?

Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!

How would you describe the average bully?

Mean.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk?

A dead bird.