What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with?

An alarm, you pervert!

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Where's the safest place to hide money from a man?

Under the soap

Why did the man marry a monkey?

Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry ...sorry twice if this is an old joke

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How does a woman know she's sleeping with a forklift driver?

He beeps twice before coming through the flaps.

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him?

Amen

What do you call that mean guy who keeps waking you up?

A myoclonic jerk.

Pervert Jokes More Pervert Jokes

What is big and hard when you put it in your mouth and small and soft when you take it out?

A chewing gum you pervert

How many perverts does it take to insert a light bulb?

Only one; However, it takes an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.